Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?"
Defendant: "Yes, it's true."
Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?"
Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I dont recognize this court!"
"Why?" asked the Judge.
"Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was here."

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

SVATS

WELCOME TO LANCE ITO'S SIDEBAR and GRILL

If you have an hour to kill, please join us for dinner.

APPETIZERS

Rosa Lopez Nachos..........$3.95
Spicy, with a thick Mexican accent. Nachos haven't been this good since....well, we can't remember!

FROM THE BAR

Paula Barbieri Cocktail..........$3.95
OJ with a little honey on the side. Goes down real easy.

Marcia Clark Beer..........$1.95
We thought we still had a case, but now we're not sure.

Ron Goldman Wine..........$3.95
Young vintage, good body, but you have to bring your own glasses.

SALADS

Kato Salad..........$3.95
An empty head of lettuce with very little dressing.

SOUPS

Soup Dujury..........$4.95
Aged for over a year. May be bitter.

FROM THE GRILL

Mark Fuhrman Chicken..........$6.95
Absolutely no dark meat.

Veal A'la Nicole..........$5.95
Well battered and sliced. Served without the head.

Dennis Fung Plate..........$6.95
Grilled detective, served open-faced, may be contaminated.

SANDWICHES

Simpson Alibi Sandwich..........$4.25
Full of baloney, hard to swallow, but lots of stupid people are buying it!

DESSERT

Sorry, our bakery is temporarily closed. The lawyers have taken all the dough!!!