Want to know what the person is REALLY like behind those "nice" descriptions in Singles Ads? Here are some translations.
DANDY LITTLE HOUSE KEEPER:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses
FINE CHARACTER
She's an ex-hooker
KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE MONEY:
She's a spend thrift and great at spending yours
STRONG FAMILY TIES:
She's a Mafia Princess
LOVES CHILDREN:
She's pregnant and needs a husband
WONDERFUL PERSONALITY:
She's fat
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
THE OUTDOOR TYPE:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, just like the guys
READY TO SETTLE DOWN:
She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry
LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME:
She gets drunk every time she goes out
LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES:
Often makes an ass of herself
MATURE WOMAN:
She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five
HAS THE APPEARANCE OF A YOUNG SCHOOL GIRL:
She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager
CASUAL:
She dresses like a slob
DECORATED HER OWN PLACE:
Her apartment resembles a pig sty
A GREAT DANCER:
She's a Stripper
NOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL:
She only cries twenty-seven times a day
DOESN'T CHASE MEN:
She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type
SELDOM DATES:
She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something
UNDERSTANDS MEN:
She's been married and divorced four times
A GOOD SPORT:
She knows two hundred jokes & can drink you under the table
LOOKS AND DRESSES LIKE A MODEL:
She's five eleven and weighs seventy-three pounds
BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS:
She's a former porn movie star
KNOWS A LOT OF INTERESTING PEOPLE:
None of whom would marry her
Heavy-Metal Angel 
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